To the Roo and back

This past weekend was spent on a farm in Manchester, TN, camping, listening to music and trying to survive the 95+ degree heat. Ah, the greatness that is Bonnaroo.

I ended up going with Marissa, who I studied abroad with in Berlin (and, notably, met only about a month ago), her boyfriend, Simon, and his two roommates, Shane and Jimmy. I drove up to Gainesville on Wednesday afternoon, had dinner with some of my sorority sisters, then drove through the night with my new friends to experience the glorious musical festival. By some luck of fate, we managed to be in the first, prime campsite. We're still not sure how that happened. I could go on and on about every band that I saw, but for now, I'll just say that the highlights were The Flaming Lips' mind-bending show (and it was truly a show, not just a set), Jay-Z and his fantastic audience appreciation and just how much Kings of Leon's Caleb Followill's raspy voice oozes sex when heard live. The heat was unbearable during the day though, as the usual daily thunderstorms were nowhere to be seen this year. Our neighbors were hilarious - all 29 and friends from middle school, one is a father of two, one is a broker and the other was an artist who still lived in his mother's basement and was on too many substances to make sense in most conversations (when asked if he was going to see KOL, his response was "Maybe, maybe not. You just never really know). Seeing all the bands I did, I'm so happy everything worked out and I can't wait for next year.

All packed and ready to go.

Our arrival in Manchester, despite it being 6 a.m.

The great arch of Centeroo.

The group, pre-Flaming Lips madness.

Overall, the weekend was a success, and I feel cleansed coming from it (ironically). Being a dirty hippie child suits me, despite my love of high heels and air conditioning.

Sunday night, we drove through the night yet again. I then took the best shower of my life and crashed for 8 hours in Kelli's apartment. After a much-needed mani/pedi (just to get all the dirt out from under my nails), I had dinner with the Gbig and went out with Melissa, Anna, L-Patz and Ali for a night at Swamp and shenanigans. I missed them soso much. The next day, I took my time getting around, then headed home after lunch.

As much as I wanted to go to a big city for college, like BU and NYU, I'm overall happy with the experience I'm having in a college town. Talking to my grandpa in California yesterday on the drive home, he remarked how happy I sounded and how these experiences are exactly what I need to be doing at my age. While UF sometimes bores me, the game days and the Greek life have really provided me with memories I don't think I would have anywhere else. I truly have fallen in love with my sisters, seeing that I've known them for only 2 years, but they know just about everything about me, no judgements, and I can truly count on them for anything. Gainesville has become home away from home, which I can finally admit after 2 years. While Miami will always hold the No. 1 spot in my heart, after spending half my college years in the Swamp, I'm really looking forward to the memories that are to come these next 2 years.

Simplicity and lists

As I pack for Bonnaroo (yayyyyyyyy!!!), I realized that the places I'm going this summer are carrying the theme of minimalism.

In Berlin, people seemed to take things day-by-day, and, from what I saw, shopped and lived accordingly. They weren't worried about big, lavish homes. They shopped for dinner that night, not loading up for groceries for the week. They didn't have complicated and extremely trendy wardrobes. At Bonnaroo, people camp and, what I learned last year, really don't need too much to be happy. Lots of water, a few clean t-shirts and shorts, PB&J supplies and a little tent to call home were all you needed to camp. Plus, I noticed I was happiest when I had my water bottle in my hand and a camera in my pocket, not when I was lugging around a huge backpack with extra stuff to weigh it down. There are some tentative trips planned, like to the Keys and to Daytona Beach to see the Big, and all I need for happiness is a bathing suit and a beer.

I'm liking this summer more and more because of this mentality that's taking hold of me, I think. If I don't need it, I'm not trying to convince myself to get it. If I don't use it, I get rid of it. If I don't like it, I give it away. If it makes me happy, I'm doing it or holding on to it. While I'm the first to admit that I like luxurious things and I'm a clothes junkie, what I'm keeping around are things I genuinely enjoy and use regularly. And they have a place.

I've been making lists more and more to get things done. "To Do" lists have always been big with me, but the more specific I make them, the simpler they are to accomplish. All I have left on my "Tuesday" list are to clean off my desk and to pack. The desk thing will take 20 minutes, max. I plan on wiping that out as soon as I finish typing this (I was on my way to do it, I just got distracted and grabbed my computer instead.) And packing should be simple - I made a list for everything I need. If it's not on the list, I'm not taking it. Plain and simple.

Lightning storms, sprinkled with choco chips

This past week has been busy, busy, busy. Physically, emotionally and mentally.

Tuesday, I went to Coral Springs for some BFFL time with Nora. Expect a profile on her soon. It was a much-needed getaway, starting with the calmness of getting on the highway for the hour drive. We grabbed lunch, saw Letters to Juliet (for the record, I was outvoted; save it for Blockbuster), made some gazpacho for dinner and I headed home.

It was nice being somewhere I wasn't concerned about running into anyone I may know or dealing with any close-by problems. I've got this mental divide now in my head when I get to the toll on Broad Causeway. I feel like I'm encroaching on someone else's territory and scared who I might see. I'm learning that I'm happy to find places where I can't identify every car in the parking lot. Living on the beach has led to that. Whenever I go back to Pinecrest, I'm astounded about how I know half the people driving by me. It freaks me out a little. It also makes me feel a little disconnected from a world I used to have such a large presence in.

Friday, I didn't have to work, so a mother-daughter evening took place. We saw Sex and the City 2, which I actually thoroughly enjoyed. I was treated to some fabulous single-again shoes after (thanks Mom!), following the rule of the longer the relationship, the higher the heel. I can't wait to actually have somewhere to wear them to. Then, we ate a late sushi dinner. I actually slept pretty well that night.

The other parts of the week were spent working and cleaning out my closet. Work's a bitch, like usual. Last night, I ended up staying for over 8 hours and being charged $15 for parking. I can't wait to get this paycheck to make up for the frustration of being on my feet and dealing with stupid people that long. My big project was a total closet clean-out. It took till Friday to complete. Yes, I have a large closet, and yes, I have a lot of clothes. They're something I truly find enjoyment in. I'm proud to report that the past two years' purchases have been smart ones, as I realized that most of those clothes I wear on a regular basis. I'm getting fashion savvy as I age apparently.

The more I clean, the better I feel. The catharsis is good for me. I'm just scared I'm going to peak out soon, as I haven't been sleeping the past couple nights and my mind is constantly restless. I guess I'll just have to wait it out and see how long it takes to get over all this.

Having, and eating, your cake

Getting back into the swing of things certainly hasn't been what I expected. It's not the usual routine anymore. So, it's more like starting to swing things, with new rituals developing.

Saturday night, after trying to clean my room and a little sun time, was dinner with the abuelos. Going over to see my grandparents has become something I've really learned to cherish. The older I get, the more they mean to me. I always feel like I leave there a little wiser, with some bits of me renewed or found. My grandma has been feeding some baby ducks.

After they were done eating and the big ducks had come to try to get the rest of the bread,

another mommy duck came to see what was up, but she only had two little ducklings.

I wondered what happened to the rest.

Sunday, I started my 4 weeks of fitness. The gym and I are not friends. I felt so short of breath and heavy. I know, eventually, this will stop. I just need perseverance and motivation until then. Yesterday, I felt a little better trying to run and could feel the impact on my legs at work. This is a sign of progress. I just hope to get some spin classes in at some point, because I remember how much I used to love it and how good I felt when I was hardcore about it.

After having a venture at athleticism and reading on the beach, I had dinner at the dad's, where we watched The Lovely Bones. I really need to reread it, as I remember it totally different. Then again, I was so young when I read it, I'm sure I just didn't grasp some of the concepts. Nonetheless, something about child murders and rape always strikes such a nerve of discomfort. It really makes me sick.

After that, I reconnected with everyone at Greg's. It feels so good to be able to look at my boys and know that they've been my best friends since I was 14. While we're not as close as we used to be, it's nice to look back at how much we've all grown and changed - we're all adults now - but we also still have a deep-running love and respect for each other because we've helped each other through our tough times and left childhood behind together. It's a little saddening, but I just pray they'll be there for the next 7 years as well. There's just a level of comfort I feel with them, something that's natural and happy. It really was nice to just sit there and enjoy being surrounded by others, no hold barred and no judgements passed. This made me realize just how far we've come.

It seems that this week, though only Tuesday, has a theme of growing. Hanging out by the pool with friends who I used to carpool with in middle school, I felt lucky to know such great, good, kind people and know how much they care about me as well, even if it's just by nearly everyone asking "Where the hell have you been since summer started?" I missed them more than I expected. While those friendships are a continuation of life, I have to learn to let go of the people who don't want me in their lives as much as I wanted them in mine. It's hard, and this summer may be a little rough because of it, but I know moving on is for the best. I've known this for awhile. I just needed a catalyst to set me running. Last night, I got that. And while it feels like the end of the world and something is crushing my chest, eventually I'll gain the momentum I need, be able to take the big breaths I need, and I'll be back on track again. It's just a matter of keeping busy and clearing the clutter in my path, weeding out the bad, finding the happiness I'm chasing. I'll be able to run again. Maybe not today, or next week, but soon. Change is something I'm ready for.